Behind The Trigger

Most nightmares are far from reality. They are made up of scary monsters, dragons, ghost and tall people with big eyes. A cliché, but true, no one really thinks that the normal person sitting next them going to work on the bus or train every morning is the next Collin Ferguson. But, sadly that is the society we have built, it is illogical. We tell people do what makes you happy, chase your dreams to no end, there is no place for courage, for trying, for second, for third, or fourth. The monsters that make up my nightmares are the bloodthirsty, deceitful, morally bankrupt people that surround me everyday.

That was what I thought yesterday; today I am looking from behind my eyes, watching me scream and shout; pointing a gun into a crowd of people. Oh shit, someone just fell, the gun must have gone off; ok let's not panic, damn it someone else just fell, what the hell is going on?

Ok, ok, think for a second what happened? I remember opening my eyes this morning just laying in bed staring at the ceiling for no particular reason. I think I hear my wife, she is telling me that I am going to be late for work. I could care less, but mechanically I get up anyway. I can't see what I am thinking about, something is wrong.

Oh man is that sirens? Where the hell am I? Its Port Authority I think; ok look for a place to hide and think; all right what happened yesterday? I was running to get to the bus and that bastard bus driver saw me coming and just drive off, prick; and of course the next bus is 15 minutes late. Anyway finally it comes and I am kind of lucky, it s not too filled, I get a nice seat, third row on the left side. I get to see the faces of all the assholes who gets on in rich man's town.

They are wearing their crisp suits and their smug looks, reading the wall street journal or the Times. They look around for seats on the bus with the same disdain they hold for people. They find a seat they think is acceptable, sitting up straight with their paper in front of them, effectively managing to block out that other people exist around them. They have the power at work to destroy lives and careers and to them its just numbers. Crushing a few lives to make that fat year-end bonus is not a big deal.

I have two great children and a house they like, but because of assholes like this I could lose it all. I've been out of work for months now because some prick ass CEO decided his bottom line wasn't big enough. Now after swallowing my pride and taking this piece of shit job, I am going to get the shaft here too; even though, I am more qualified than anyone to be there.

Imagine this, about six weeks ago, I interview for this position and before I even got to go in, we had a phone interview where they practically gave me the job. Absolutely nothing had changed since the phone interview and I go in and they tell me they will let me know (yea well, we all know what that means). Sometime later they called me back asking if I wanted a short-term contract to fix some problems for them. What the hell I needed the money so I swallow my pride and take it. To my consternation they hired some kid in his twenties that doesn't know the tools needed for the job, he was hired because he's the boss' buddy, and me brought in to fix the problems to cover up the fact that he hired someone that doesn't know the job.

Damn everything just went red, I see three more people fall. This is bad, this is very bad, what am I going to do? They bring more buddies; the nepotism is running rampant and all I can think about is how am I going to pay the damn bills. I won't be working simply because of whom I don't know. Who give a shit if it happens all the time, it's happening to me, its always happening to me and I am sick of it.

No, no this is not right you have got to stop. Oh God what am I going to do now? Its all coming back, I got up this morning and showered and shaved like normal, then I went downstairs to the basement and put my service revolver in my briefcase. I couldn't control what I was doing and now it's too late. What have I done?

I am out of bullets now and here comes the cops. There is no mercy on their faces just angry determination to stop me. I think the first kick broke two ribs; I barely feel it as the nightsticks start to pound across my back. My head is sideways on the ground; a fist just broke my jaw, is it over? The last thing I see is Steele-toed boots heading for my face.

Word for word that was the story James Sanders told me as he lay dying in a downtown police cell. The beating he received was too severe and he did not get proper treatment. He shot seven people this morning, but this was all preventable.

Corporate greed has been running rampant and we have watched powerless as big businesses move their operations overseas for cheap labor. Company bottom lines get bigger and America as a whole pay the price. The government does nothing because too many corporate checks are in their pockets and political campaigns. Without jobs in America for Americans there is no money to spend, without money to spend the economy is in trouble. There is no doubt, at least in my mind why the American economy is in the state it is in. And, its people like James Sanders that pay the price; we the people pay the price.

I remember a time when people were important, when America took care of Americans. Symbolically we look strong, but spiritually, morally we are dying and we have to do something. It starts each man to another being kind and maybe the fire will spread and begin to burn away the corruption that has been eating us alive. We the people are responsible, not just for ourselves, but for the government of our country. We have the power with our votes and our voices to cry out and force change. If we don't, then consider the alternative, we will always be looking about us wondering which one of us will be next behind the trigger.

By Dacrax